While the divorce rate is not as high anymore as it used to be 10 years ago, it still stood at around 7.6 in 2019. This means that 7 or so people out of 1,000 ended up getting a divorce. When you look at the numbers, it doesn’t seem to be that bad – but when you realize you are one of the people drawing the short straw, reality begins to hit you.
You married your significant other, for better and for worse. You are not ready to break your vows just yet – so, what can you do if you want to save your marriage? Well, there are still some ways that can help you fix things up; you just need to want it enough. Here is what you can do.
1. Think Saving Rather than Ending
If your first thought is to end your marriage in divorce rather than try to save it first, then everything is doomed right from the start. Even if it seems unlikely to be fixed, you must keep the right mindset – the one that is always looking for ways to save the falling pieces.
2. Shut Up and Just Listen
Sometimes, your marriage might be falling apart simply because you are too stubborn to listen. When you open your mouth, the chances are high that you’ll only be adding gas over the fire.
Experts say when you open your ears instead and actually listen to what your partner has to tell you, then you might as well have a chance to regroup and find out what has to be done. You’ll be able to discover the pains of your partner and find a way to solve your marriage.
3. Consider Compromising
Sure, we always want to be right, but marriage is more than that. When you tie the knot, it’s no longer “every person for themselves.” Once you are married, both of you are there for each other.
If both of you have very strong opinions, you first need to stop and listen (something that we already suggested you do) and then reach a compromise. You should know that small compromises reach a long way, and while you may still not be completely happy, you should remember that marriage goes both ways.
4. Go to Coupe’s Therapy
During the COVID-19 quarantine, there was an influx of people wanting to get a divorce. However, according to most divorce attorneys from the Kilroy Law Firm, many of those divorces were averted simply because the couple decided to go for couple’s therapy. These sessions will help you determine whether your marriage is actually worth saving or not.
5. Get Out of Arguments
When you get the sense that you are entering an argument, do not drag it out for too long. Try getting out of it as fast as you can. Most arguments never finalize well, because neither parts of the marriage are likely in the right state of mind.
Get out of the argument before things get too bad and start discussing things calmly once you are no longer all thunder and lightning. This small action may just save your marriage.
6. Control Your Addictions
Many marriages end as a result of alcohol addiction. Indeed, you may sometimes get a kick watching your husband get drunk and talk about his deep friendship with SpongeBob SquarePants – but it’s not always the same with every marriage. In many cases, addiction may cause disruptions, maybe even violence.
This is why you need to get in control of your addictions (or help your spouse to do so) if this is the problem of your marriage. A few months in rehab can actually save years of your marriage.
7. Take Time Away
When couples are together 24/7, there is a risk for relationship burnout. It’s perhaps one of the reasons why so many couples broke up during the quarantine; they had reached that burnout stage and had no way of getting away from each other.
Now, with lockdowns at least going away, you can take a bit of time away to rethink your situation. Just make sure that you don’t abuse this time away to do anything stupid.
8. Don’t Ignore Problems
Sometimes, the real reason why marriages end is because you try to ignore the problem and pretend like there’s nothing wrong. That being said, by ignoring the problem, you are taking no further steps to resolve the situation – in which case, it can grow into an even bigger problem. By tackling the problem firsthand, you will have the chance to solve it before it brings you to the brink of a divorce.
9. Go Back to the Beginning
This might sound too simple, but in order to save your marriage, you may want to go to the beginning. You need to rewind everything, so to speak. Think about what made you two fall in love with each other in the first place. Try going on dates again, spend the weekend together; relight that spark that used to make you so sentimental. Sometimes, the ending occurs because you forgot what the beginning felt like.
10. Forgive Each Other
Has your spouse done something that made you feel like your absolute worst? Is it something that you can forgive? Do you see them repenting for what they had done? If you can offer forgiveness – for your spouse, or perhaps for yourself – you may just be able to save your marriage.
11. Take Responsibility
Last but perhaps most importantly, if you want to save your marriage, you may want to take responsibility. Once you say “I do,” you are no longer an “I;” you are a “we.” You enter a union in which you are responsible both for yourself and the other person as well. As a result, you should not start pointing fingers to save yourself but look within instead. After all, you are both in this mess.
The Bottom Line
Marriages can be saved from the brink of divorce. You just need a healthy and objective mindset and the right tactics to save your marriage. Couple’s therapy such as thrivedowntown.com can also be of great help if you can’t sort things out on your own.